This morning I was driving to school on the freeway when I noticed two vehicles almost collided while changing into the same lane. They both were going to change into the lane I was in from the lanes on either side. Directly behind them was a truck that was directly in front of me. If they had collided, that truck would have most likely stopped or swerved to get out of the way. I would have done something similar in response. Who knows what the other vehicles behind us would have done in response to our responses. My truck most likely would have been damaged. I may have been injured or killed in the accident.
Thankfully, both vehicles noticed each other and nothing bad happened. But at that moment, I suddenly realized how dangerous it was to be on the road. I suddenly realized how crazy all of us were to be driving so fast and so close. I knew that no one else was thinking the same thing. They were probably thinking of what they were going to do once they arrived at their respective destinations. Perhaps the man in the truck in front of me also realized how dangerous it was to be on the road. Perhaps fear had awoken in him too.
I did not let the fear take over. Yes. I could easily be injured or killed because of another driver, but I had driven on this highway toward the same destination numerous times before. Nothing bad had ever happened. I thought about how debilitating a fear of driving would be. Life in an urban setting would be extremely difficult if I could not drive.
I realized that this fear had never occurred to me before. I have been in two car accidents in my life. Once as a child in elementary school, I was in a car that was hit by another car that did not yield at an intersection. The car I was in spun several times. I even hit my head against the car’s window. That did not create any fear in me. I did not stop going on car rides. Most recently, I was involved in a car crash that happened because of a common event. Someone realized they were about to miss their turn so they quickly went from the far left lane into two other lanes to turn right. They hit the truck I was in in the process. The car the driver was in was much smaller than the truck I was in, but it still pushed the truck onto the curb and dangerously close to a stone wall. Still, I was not afraid to drive. It was only today that the thought occurred to me that I could die while driving through no fault of my own. Granted, those two accidents occurred on the road at approximately 30 miles per hour and fear struck me while I was driving at 60 miles per hour. Maybe that difference is what scared me. I knew I would have little chance of escaping injury and I knew that injury would be severe. I was actually very fearful for a while after that. I was totally aware of the danger of the current situation.
I wondered if I should feel fear. Driving is almost necessary, but does that mean I shouldn’t be afraid? I know people who make a similar drive everyday, but are afraid to fly. This doesn’t make sense because driving is much more dangerous than flying ("Driving or Flying? ", 2011). It is easy to understand why people feel this way. Most airplane crashes end in the death of all the passengers. An airplane crash is a traumatic event. That trauma gets engrained into our minds. Flying itself is a scary experience. I’ve almost always sat next to someone who was visibly stressed during takeoff. Take off is loud. I get a funny feeling in my stomach. It leaves a fairly negative impression on me, but I have gotten used to it over time. One thing I have never gotten used to is turbulence. It always seems to happen. Every flight I have experienced leaves a somewhat negative impression on me. I don’t leave a flight thinking, “That was normal.” I leave a flight thinking, “I’m glad I’m back on the ground.” I know that flying is safer than driving, but I am always slightly nervous before a flight. I don’t want to experience a bad takeoff or turbulence. I don’t want to face the fears I experience during those events even though I know I will probably be safe. I wouldn’t say I have a fear of flying, but I do get nervous.
On the other hand, I was in two car crashes, but I felt no trauma. It seemed like such a rare occurrence. Both times, only the car suffered any serious damage. I feel safer when driving than when flying even though I know it is not true. Tomorrow, I will make the same trip. I will be in the same lane surrounded by the same number of cars. I will not experience fear even though I know driving is dangerous. The next time I fly, I will get nervous even though I know flying is relatively safe. This is because of how I hold myself to these experiences. The danger seems rare when I drive. When I fly, the danger always seems to be present. It is because flying is unusual relative to driving. I have flown less than 20 times. I have driven or been a passenger countless times.
I am being irrational when I say that I am more fearful of flying than driving. That irrationality makes sense though. When I drive, I am not thinking of how much safer flying is. I do not think, “Oh, I wish I could fly to school instead of drive.” I am thinking, “I need to get to school.” I live too far to walk or bike. Driving or being driven is the only reasonable way to get to my destination. So, I do it no matter how dangerous it is. When I am driving, I don’t think about the possibility of dying because of a car crash. I don’t even think about how normal it feels to drive. I don’t think of all the times I have arrived at my destinations without experiencing any negative events. Mostly, I think about the song I am listening to or the thoughts I am currently thinking.
